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A Kiddish Love

We go through four phases in our lives. First is ‘Mimicry’, when we are in our adolesence and learn from others and mimic to become identical. Born as a blank canvas, this is where we pick up a language, religion, habbits, clothing, lifestyle, nuances, and even a palate. Mostly injected through instructions, we are too young to be selective and understand what’s what, let alone what to capture and what not. We are constantly told, defining the peripheral circumference of our being. As we reach our teenage, roughly, we enter the second phase – ‘Acknowledgement’. It lasts till early/mid 30s or even longer in some. This is where we do things to gain attention, desparate to appear cool, and fit in into the society, in school, in our gangs, in a discipline of choice, and adapt to the surroundings and behave accordingly. We study to suit a professional scope, learn its language, and behave in a certain way to be acknowledged as one of them. As Aurangzeb said, youth has the propensity to attract evil, we mess up a lot too, regret, and learn from them. The periphery widens. The third phase is ‘Commitment’. We by now have settled in our jobs and with a partner. We have learnt what our passions and virtues are and have selected a path to walk on, and now we seek commitment in self to hold on to ’em all. We are committed to building a stronger career, a better lifestyle, we would even be married and try and stick to its roles, dedicated to our kids, our relatives and friends, and health. Not much alters here, life does seem settled, or, for few, stagnant. We become selective. This phase ends in our early or late 60s. The final phase is ‘Legacy’. We gain wisdom of it’s own kind and maintain what we’ve done, for our brand-name to strengthen and be recalled even after our departure. We have stories to tell but not much energy and enthusiasm to create new.

The most curious phase of our lives is the second one, of acknowledgement. We do everything to be acknowledged and accepted in the moment or in the future, debarring at times our past. Our clothes, mobile phones, hairstyles, photographs, talks, likes-dislikes all are alike and almost run through a cookie-cutter. There’s a typical walk, same built, same beard + hairstyle, same throw in talks, and similar blue minds too. There’s a constant battle within to be acknowledged by our owns and even the unknown. We just wish to make a mark and be noticed. FOMO and YOLO are two very common fevers of this phase. Wisdom doesn’t have a place in this age, it comes later. One very prominent thing that happens in this age is falling in love. Everyone does, and manier times. The initial few could at times be from peer pressure and in scope of finding acknowledgement from society that I’m a lovable person, and do not belong to the cult of homosexuals. But we’re unsure of our likes and dislikes, and so is our partner, and it falls apart. A few trials later we find ourselves, understand how to acknowledge the significant other, so do they and we strive. This usually happens in mid or later 20s, very close to the phase of commitment, and thus these relationships succeed. I’ve been in relationships that didn’t come through, and now I’m with the person who’s going to be my lady till her tomb doesn’t sits next to mine, and I’m 31

This lapping over of falling in love and the phase two isn’t coincidental. We seek acceptance in a relationship and most fail due to the lack of fulfilment of this very principle. Falling in love, its newness and nicefeels, butterflies in the tummy, the excitement of every first together, and the more matured stuff thereafter are all balanced over a tight rope of acceptance, acknowledgement, and its mutuality between the two. It is only after crossing many bridges that commitment comes. Men are a curious breed. They are near-desparate to be in a relationship, and gaining their heart has only two simple pre-requisites. Bigger being respect and second being acknowledgement, and it’s not difficult to see how the two are related. There’s a kid in ’em all refusing to grow up and doesn’t want anything but love and pampering. This kid never grows up, it stays till we don’t rest for good, thus you’d see your grampa doing funny antics too. Yes, all are the same, just the proportions differ. The woman that can satiate that kid, take its funny antics, deal with the daku in them, the adament cry-baby, and let it do what it wants from time to time will be treasured for good. It’s not the man but the child inside that demands acknowledgement, respect is for the grown up man in them. Men will do all sorts of things for their ladies, ample case-studies exist, all to gain acknowledgement, not always acceptance. Subconsciously, we know which one we’re feeding and when. A woman’s demand that her man should make her laugh satiates this kid too, we can be what we really are, a child.

We men have a big part of us stuck in phase two. We are crazy. We are tamable, with respect and acknowledgement. The reason we wish to do better in life is not to gain respect from the outer world and as much as acknowledgement from our own, not from he universe at all times, since our universe rests in our beloved ladies. Mine stands on four pillars – memories of my father, my kid – Beatle, travels, and my lady. My father’s passing away has the deepest effect on me, yet again, the kid in me doesn’t wish to acknowledge his departure. My commitment to Beatle drifts me to be a grown-up, which is also self assuring. Traveling swings between phase two and three. Socially, we are bound to take matured decision and can’t be laid back and in doing so the child in us is nurtured, in new experiences, in new sights, and in new places. Love from and in loving my lady puts me and the kid within comfortably where it wishes to be. She is a nurturer and keeps the kid happy and content.

At times acknowledgement in relationships is not mutual, but, hey, who said it’ll always come through? But love deepens, grows, and spreads with acknowledgement. It’s mutuality is the key. Keep the kid in each other happy and content, which doesn’t mean gooey goofy kiddish love, but surprises, romance, and playfulness. Support each other and respect the person they are, accept them for what and how they are, all of us a silly and the silliness reduces over time, or let’s say we adapt. There are mines everywhere and the world enjoys failures than success and there’s all the reason for the relationship to fail. Optimism and kindness have become rare. You’re bound to loose the grip on your relationship and fail. That’s easy. What’s rare is true, unconditional, and admirable lovestories to exist. Let your woman know she’s special and acknowledge it, for if she wasn’t you wouldn’t be with her. And she’ll reciprocate too. How we as kids were untained and did what was morally correct, let the kid in you tell you how to live and be, and you’ll rise in love. Being in love is the purest of emotions and only an untained heart of a kid can make sense of it, not us grown up.

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